In order to subside my jealousy for not being able to make it to SXSW this year, I’ve put together a fantasy schedule as a therapeutic venture. This is where I’d go. It involves a lot of running around, but that’s good. Work off the Mexican food, BBQ and beer, right?

Wed., March 14

Brunch @ Magnolia Cafe

12:30p The Gray Kid, LA @ Austin Convention Center. Get started off on the right-high energy and not bad to look at.

Meander around the convention

2p Big Rig @ The Paramount. Truckers inspired a whole fashion trend.

Nap?

Dinner @ Guero’s

9p The Rapture, NY @ La Zona Rosa. Don Gon Do It.

12a Honeycut, SF @ Friends. Get your groove on.

1a Saul Williams, LA @ Exodus. It’s on my List of Demands.

Find a random afterparty

Thurs., Mar. 15

11a Kurt Cobain About A Son @ The Paramount. Let the conspiracy theories continue.

Lunch @ Rudy’s on 360, outside at a picnic table

Wander around Flatstock

Realize I don’t like my outfit, go shopping on South Congress. Grab some Amy’s Ice Cream and a coffee at Jo’s. People watch.

Nap

Dinner at Uchi

8p Pamela Des Barres, Sherman Oaks @ Whisky. She’s reading from I’m With the Band, and I couldn’t miss that!

Also @ 8p, The Cassettes, DC @ Blender Balcony. It would probably run late though, so I’d try to make it.

9p Thomas Dolby, SF @ Elysium. She Blinded Me With Science, anyone? A very different set than everything else you’ll see.

11p The Octopus Project, Austin @ Emos. Space out. Plus, Slug of Atmosphere is the host that night, which shouldn’t be missed.

12a Ghostland Observatory, Austin @ La Zona Rosa. Show me your moves.

Also at 12a, Deerhunter, Atlanta @ Soho Lounge. Tough one.

12:30a The Nighwatchman @ The Parish. 2 words- Tom Morello.

1a SHAT, NJ @ Blender Balcony. Somewhat indescribable, but a good late show.

Fri, Mar. 16

Hungover? Detoxify by taking a walk around Town Lake

Lunch @ Hula Hut

1p The Buzzcocks @ Austin Convention Center

12-6 SFxSXSW party @ Spiros (Spiros??? has this venue changed since I moved?) SF bands including Audrye Sessions, The Lovemakers, and Maldroid.

6:30 The Unforeseen @ The Paramount. It’s not Austin without a little Willie Nelson.

7:45 Public Enemy @ Town Lake. No explanation needed.

Dinner @ Trudy’s. Mexican Martinis, limit 2.

10:30 Perry Ferrell’s Satellite Party @ Stubb’s. Not sure what this is, but it’s PF.

11p Black Angels, Austin @ Antones. This is our Vietnam, right?

11:10 Totimoshi, Oakland @ Red 7. Rock it.

then come the most difficult choices:

12a El-P, Brooklyn @ Emos. The white rapper domination continues

12a Peaches @ Exodus. Get yur freak on.

12:30a The Faint @ Eternal. Dance Party USA.

one is bound to be running late, right?

Sat, Mar. 17

Make a pilgrimage to Hamilton Pool and escape for the day. Grab some Rosie’s Tamales on the way out.

Stop by Poodie’s before heading back, icy beer and great burgers.

9p Jello Biafra, SF @ Parish II. Spoken word.

9:15p Meat Puppets, Austin @ Emos. Still pissed that Nirvana stole their thunder.

10p Kings of Leon, Spoon, and The Stooges @ Stubbs. Relax and watch three great sets at one awesome venue.

1a Girl Talk, Pittsburgh @ Elysium. Dance machine.

Sun, Mar. 18

Before you leave, you must kiss Austin goodbye by making another long haul out to the Salt Lick and stuff yourself full of BBQ.

Enjoy. Tell me how much fun you had.